a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
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