they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
