I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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