Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
