Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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