He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
