She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I would fuck him just for his dog
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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