Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
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