You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
