i think my tv is drunk
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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