Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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