A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
