I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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