do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
