Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
