Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
