FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I have aggressive nipples.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
