i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
