i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Randomize
