you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Randomize
