i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
