Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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