Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
vagina is talking i cant
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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