remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Randomize
