Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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