So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
