is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
