Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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