Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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