I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
