my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
