I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
