HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Randomize
