Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
