your thong is hanging out like whoa
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
