im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
