If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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