my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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