Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
