Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
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