i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
