Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
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