I want to stick my p in your. b.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
