I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
