So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
