I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
