I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
