the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
