Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
