Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
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