There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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