Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
