kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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