So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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