Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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